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(Note: This article is written in a lighthearted manner, meant for some fun and laughter. If you are a hardcore AAP supporter, please don’t take offense—just wear the right topi and enjoy. And yes, AAP doesn’t need more sorrow right now; it need solutions. So, let’s have some fun!)
So, our very own Aam Aadmi, the ruler of the commoners, Arvind Kejriwal, has finally found some peace. It took him ten years to truly relax. No, wait, even longer! Anna Hazare first launched his anti-corruption movement in 2011. Since then, Kejriwal, his half-sleeved sweater, and his muffler have been tirelessly at work. In between, however, he did get some rest in jail for six months. But even then, he had the stress of preparing for the just-concluded Delhi Assembly elections weighing on his mind. So, let’s just say, after a year and a half, ‘AKE’ finally seems close to ‘SUKHE’ (peace). Even Delhiites will experience some peace now that they have gotten a break from AAP.
What should Kejriwal do now?
A workaholic like Kejriwal can’t sit idle. He doesn’t know how to! Just look at how busy he has been. He played a never-ending game of (blaming and shouting) Modi Modi… In between, he played the game of love and hate with Mamata Didi, Rahul Bhaiya, and Akhilesh Bhaiya. He even played Liquor Licensing! But that game cost him a lot. Now, his party, AAP, must be wondering—what next for Kejriwal? Let us also think and offer some humble suggestions.
RTI Activist – Back to Basics
Returning to the Indian Revenue Service might not be ideal for Kejriwal. Come on, folks, how do you go from being the ex-Chief Minister of Delhi to just another government officer? Besides, the IRS doesn’t have a chair grand enough for his stature anymore. So, rather than that, Kejriwal should consider RTI activism. As an RTI warrior, he can continue serving the common man. If he wants, he can once again go from one office to another, filing RTI requests. That, too, is a service to the people of Delhi, isn’t it?
Podcasting: Aap Ki Baat with Kejriwal!
Kejriwal is a fantastic orator. His face has been flashing across TV screens for over 15 years, and all of India knows him. So, why not start a podcast? He can sip on some masala chai and chat away. His guests? The first few episodes should feature Rahul Gandhi, Priyanka Gandhi, Akhilesh Yadav, and Mamata Banerjee. At the end of each episode, Kejriwal can look directly into the camera and say, “My dear viewers, please like, subscribe, donate to my AAP party, and most importantly, make sure I don’t get swept away in the next election!”
AAP Ki Chai…
Speaking of chai, tea has many wonders. We have seen its power. A cup of tea from Vadnagar can take you all the way to Parliament! Inspired by this, Kejriwal might consider opening a tea stall in Siwani, Haryana—his birthplace. Who knows, he might even get the strength to replace the current tea seller turned everyone’s leader in Parliament!
Kejri’s Aam Collection
Many celebrities are making a fortune by selling their own merchandise. Kejriwal should launch a brand featuring his signature muffler, pen, and half-sleeved shirts. The brand name? Kejri’s Aam Collection! Imagine the branding! If Kejriwal pitches this on Shark Tank, investors will jump in. Soon, showrooms of Kejri’s Aam Collection will be booming across India and even abroad!
AAP’s Freebie Revolution: Revdi Ashram!
So what if Kejriwal’s freebie culture suffered a setback in this election? He introduced the concept of free revdis (handouts) in Indian politics! To take the revdi culture further, Kejriwal should establish a Revdi Ashram in Goa, where his party struggled to make an impact. With allegedly rising hotel and food costs in Goa, his Revdi Ashram can offer free lodging, free food, and free fun!
Aam Institute of Politics (AIP)
One of Kejriwal’s greatest achievements is teaching the common man how to succeed in politics. Before Kejriwal, could anyone have imagined an ordinary man achieving such political success? Absolutely not! So, Kejriwal should start the Aam Institute of Politics. Modi has been urging youth to join politics for years. But if Kejriwal speaks on this, people will certainly pay attention!
Kejri’s EVM Factory!
Kejriwal should start an Electronic Voting Machine or EVM manufacturing company. The name? Aam EVM Ltd. or, AEL. He won’t lack investors—Rahul Gandhi, Sanjay Raut, Akhilesh Yadav, all will eagerly join. He already has the perfect management team in place: Atishi, an Oxford-educated mind; Saurabh Bharadwaj, a computer science engineer; and Raghav Chadha, a CA. Aam EVM Ltd. will finally unite the opposition into a real India Alliance!
Kejriwal’s Next Move?
The buzz is that Punjab’s AAP Chief Minister, Bhagwant Mann, has blocked Kejriwal’s number. The Bharatiya Janata Yuva Morcha tweeted about this on Saturday. Whether it’s true or false, only God knows. But Kejriwal seems seriously busy finding a new venture.
Congress MLA from Qadian, Punjab, Partap Singh Bajwa, speculated about Kejriwal’s next move on Saturday. He claimed that Mann is almost ready to pull an ‘Eknath Shinde’ in Punjab. Mann, along with his fellow MLAs, is eager to jump the AAP ship and join hands with the BJP. Why? Because Kejriwal is eyeing Punjab’s Chief Ministerial post. Mann, however, doesn’t seem too keen on stepping aside.
The Final Thought
Kejriwal has tirelessly worked to clean up the Indian political system even more polluted than the Yamuna’s waters. While he doesn’t hold a Chief Minister’s position, the idea that he doesn’t even have an MLA seat is almost a national embarrassment. Whatever one may say, Kejriwal is not aam (common), but he is certainly khaas (special). Advising him isn’t really our place, but his crushing defeat has compelled us to offer these suggestions, hoping that at least one of them might be useful to him.
And now, the most crucial piece of advice. Kejriwal may or may not accept any of the above suggestions, but here’s one he absolutely should: Kejriwal Sir, just admit it once—you are, after all, a politician. Admit that you too play strategic games and indulge in political maneuvers. Decide that you will restore the lost dignity of the Aam Aadmi Party. If you do this, there will be nothing to worry about. The common man’s objective is simple—either an inspiring leader like you should come to power, or someone like hardworking Modi should take charge. And whenever an opportunity arises, the common man will always use his vote to decide who truly deserves the seat. Just like he did recently in Delhi.
We’re sorry, Kejriwal Sir. But if you like this advice, then…
